Friday, July 18, 2008

People in Sports you hate…

We’ve all got a list. Those guys in sports that make you cringe every time you see them. Let’s get a good list going here – give me the guys that make you to want to throw stuff at your TV. Pardon me if I sound bitter when commenting on some of these guys.

10) Steve Spurrier

-- I think this one started with that smirk he gets whenever his QB throws a TD pass. It could have been when he ran a double reverse pass with a 4 TD lead against UGA. But, nothing makes me happier when watching a football game then seeing the “Evil Genius” slam that visor to the ground.

9) Jon Gruden

-- “Chucky” doesn’t have a smirk – just a stupid, I-promise-I-am-a-mean-guy look. It is so bootleg that he always looks that dumb on the sideline. Does Derrick Brooks get intimidated by the Gruden stare? I don’t think so. Oh yea, your 36-44 since that fluke Super Bowl in ’02 you won off Dungy and then decided to revamp your roster. Go get another DUI.

8) Billy Packer

-- What is this guy’s problem? Thank God he was finally relieved of his Final Four duties. He loves to complain about the NCAA tournament and how there are too many mid-majors. Guess what Billy? You know those millions of dollars CBS has given you over the years for doing your “analysis?” They make that money because EVERYONE watches the first two days of the tourney to see the mid-majors pull upsets. No one wants to see a 7-9 Big 12 team as a #11 seed. Go complain about Dick Vitale some more.

7) Curt Schilling

-- Curt’s always got something to say, doesn’t he? Constantly calling up sports talk radio show to “chat.” I won’t even comment on the so-called “bloody” sock.

6) Colin Montgomerie

-- Monty just hates America and lives for the Ryder Cup and the British Open. Too bad he always chokes in The Open, especially when it is in Scotland. He loves to take shots at the American team during the Ryder Cup when he is just riding the coattails of Westwood, Sergio, and Harrington. He would skyrocket on this list if he ever actually wins a tournament in America.

5) Roger Clemens

-- It keeps getting worse for “The Rocket” and I couldn’t be happier. He is probably 8-22 months away from a perjury trial and it will be thrilling to watch him go down in flames. Should of just ‘fessed up like your buddy Pettitte did and we would have forgotten by now. Worried about your legacy? How about no Hall of Fame. Good riddance.

4) Chad Johnson

-- Always looking to be in the spotlight – I want to be traded, I want the ball, blah, blah. How dumb was that Ocho-Cinco move he pulled? Was that supposed to be funny? Then, he holds an auction for a free Lexus at a comedy club but gives the car to one of his female “acquaintances” instead. Nice move Chad. And on top of all this, he isn’t even a great player. Laveranues Coles has more career catches. Terry Glenn has more career yards. Darrell Jackson has more career TD catches. Catch 100 balls in a season and we’ll talk.

3) Chris Berman

-- Where do I start with this guy? Is there anyone with a bigger ego? People don’t watch ESPN to hear you yell “Whooop” fourteen times during a kickoff return. The back-back-back-back thing ran its course in 1993. The home run derby is unwatchable now because “Boomer” spends too much time calling out suburbs the ball just landed in – “That one landed in Franklin!” Not funny.

2) Lou Holtz

-- Lou held the #1 spot on this list for a while, but recently has slipped to #2. The Lou hatred started when he got on his USC will beat UGA kick right after being hired by ESPN. He has predicted it every year! And, when UGA does win, he explains how USC outplayed them and should have won. He also is the king of mispronouncing player’s names. JD Stokely at QB for UGA today. He also has that annoying lisp and those creepy pre-game talks.

1) Chip Carey

-- Oh, Chip, how bad have you become? At first it was just irritating to hear you talk about the Cubs all the time during Braves telecasts, but you have elevated your game lately! You didn’t know Rickey Henderson was right-handed? Wow! You think Braves scouts log “millions of miles” on the road each year? He makes so many mistakes during a broadcast, I am confident he either is the worst prepared announcer in the business or he drinks more than his Dad and Granddad combined.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

First I want to defend some of the people on your list.

Really, how ya gonna hate on "85"? Have you been paying attention to his off season interviews? Did you see the ESPN special when he said that football was more important to him than his kids? Did you notice how he tried to hold out and be strong all off season and the Bengals called his bluff and he was basically miffed as to what to do about. Clearly, he is absolutely the dumbest and most retarted jock in the NFL, maybe in sports alone. I'm demanding that he be taken off of your list since he's without out a doubt retarted and can't be held accountable for his own actions. He's a slightly above average player and has made a name for himself with all of his antics to make him a top tier player. Maybe he's really smarter than we think...

Berman? C'mon the man practically made ESPN what it is!! If you're gonna fault him for back, back, back, back then you've gotta put Stuey Scott on the list because just last week he said his patented "as cool as the other side of the pillow" line.

As for my list:

Steve Spurrier without a doubt for all of the reasons you've already mentioned.

Jose Canseco
He's the whole reason this whole steroid thing started in the first place and it's driving me absolutely crazy!!

John Madden
Are you serious? Berman makes the list but you're not sick of Madden? He could be tolerable to me if they would just take away his yellow pen that he loves to write all over the screen with.

2 Live stews/Chris Rude

The stews have made a living because they're on the radio in Atlanta! No where else would they be remotely successful. Honestly, if you don't change the channel after hearing the first 15 seconds of their intro then something is definitely wrong with you. They should learn to use their inside voices more often. SCREAMING does not make you more believable!! As for Rude... I'm ashamed to admit that I actually defended him at one point. Could that possibly be the worst sports talk show in the nation?

Jamele Hill
Former sports columnist for the Orlando Sentinel and now columnist for Page 2. I hate this woman more than any single person on earth!!! She has managed to catapult her career to the big time by being a reverse racist. She knows nothing about sports but starts talking reverse racism and everyone instantly becomes afraid of her. I saw her for the first time on ESPN about 2 years ago and she looked like she had a 3 year old nappy weave in with clothes that were purchased from the salvation army. I thought they might be interviewing her for that show "locked up abroad" and they had just gotten her out. I was stunned when I saw her several more times after that. She makes $400,000 a year writing for ESPN now and has never made one significant comment in her entire life!!

Finally, I'm going to add a show to the list.
First and Ten on ESPN.
Who is producing this show? It's like they made this show just to piss me off. It's my worst nightmare. It's the only show that repeatedly has Terrence Moore, Jamele Hill and The 2 Live stews on it all of the time. Apparently all you have to do to be on this show is be a complete idiot or just act like one by screaming your point across the table to the white guy...

Rob

mike said...

5) Luca Toni
4) Peerless Price
3) David Wright
2) Sam Cassell-jumped 100 spots on the list after the '08 playoffs
1) Curt Schilling

Clemens has been knocked off this list because he's finally getting what he deserves and it couldn't be funnier

Beezbo said...

You touched on most of the worst ones. I gotta add:

Rodney Harrison

Everyone involved w/ FOX baseball (Buck, McCarver, Kevin Kennedy, Jeanne Zelasko, Thom Brenneman)

Steve Phillips

Cubs and Red Sox fans

Terrell Owens

Warren Sapp

Jorge Posada

Beezbo said...

I need to add one more entry: the '98-'01 Mets

Piazza, Ventura, Olerud, Henderson, Alfonzo, Benitez, Leiter, Rogers, Timo Perez, Agbayani, John Franco, Rey Ordonez, Payton, Zeile...

It's nice to know these underachievers were assembled by (and were the cause of the firing of) Steve Phillips.